Running out of complaints!

Dear Tense Terry,

So far, I’ve managed to let everyone know I deserve a high standard of living by pointing out ways I’m not satisfied with my life in rural Viet Nam but there are a couple of months left on my contract and I can’t think of anything else to complain about. I rattled through all the obvious complaints – power cuts, squat toilets, funny looks from people – and now I’m sort of scraping the barrel a bit complaining about the way the coffee smells and the fact that my bicycle only has six gears. Can you think of any more complaints? The only thing I’ve got for next week is that the supermarket doesn’t stock a full range of Haribo.


Dear Svetlana,

Don’t try to reinvent the wheel – get creative with the basics! You’ve complained that no-one speaks English, but are there more languages no-one speaks which you could gripe about? You’ve whinged about the food giving you a bad stomach, but has the air given you bronchitis? Has the pollution caused rashes on your skin? There’s plenty of material out there if you keep looking!

Tense Terry

Did my students copy each other or do they all have the same opinion?

Dear Tense Terry,

I recently set my students the task of writing a persuasive essay on whether the Communist Party of China is running the country well. The thirty-eight essays I received were pretty much identical. Should I be concerned about this? I had a similar experience last month when the students had to write about the Paracel Islands and who they belong to.


Dear Strangerthing,

—————————————————————————————————————— Student give same answer because student trust in leadership to guide China to bright future for ancestor.

Tense Terry

Do my colleagues realise I’m the Alpha Male?

Dear Tense Terry,

I’ve been trying to be more assertive recently, and tell the truth with confidence whenever I can think of something to say. The problem is that I’m not sure my colleagues realise I’m the Alpha Male. In my kindy classes. I’ve introduced an extra verse to the Baby Shark dance where I encourage the students to dance with their backs straight like lobsters and I never let them do anything which makes me dislike them but no-one seems to notice that I’ve become this assertive alpha who doesn’t need reinforcement and encouragement from others. I mean, if Joe Rogan walked into my class while I was doing The tidy-up song would he realise that I’m putting my house in order before criticising the world? Or would he just see a guy and a bunch of five-year-olds singing about toys?


Dear Trainhard,

Of course your colleagues notice! You need to remember that being the Alpha Male isn’t just about solving problems or being assertive.So long as you’re creating a demand for protein supplements and being told what to think by right-wing websites, you’re doing it right. Keep up the good work!

Tense Terry

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *