Police have issued a warning that a scheduler has escaped from the admin office and may be about to attack unsuspecting teachers with an offer of marketing work on Saturday morning. The scheduler was last seen next to the flashcards trying to collar Bob with the BO.

A state of alarm has manifested itself in the teachers’ room since the announcement was made.

“I’ve heard that they don’t know you’re there if you remain absolutely still,” claimed Asil Yilmaz, his face ashen white.

“That’s been debunked,” replied Katie Quinn in an excited panic, “apparently you don’t know you’re in any danger at first because they start being all nice and asking how you are. Then they pounce and before you know it you’re in a taxi to a mall to do face painting at 8am on Saturday morning when you should be in bed.”

Katie and Asil’s attention whipped back to the computer in an effort to look busy as the door opened, only for them to return to their speculation when they saw it was only the cleaner.

“This has happened before,” croaked a wizened old voice from behind a copy of New Headway Intermediate. “People say she won’t stop until she claims a victim.”

Police have warned teachers not to approach the scheduler but to notify emergency services if she is spotted.

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