“I think I made it perfectly clear that the children should be careful with the markers,” says Anya Kolisnyk as she wipes away the tally at the top of the board which represented the scores. “I made sure to have that as one of my ICQs, especially since Happy Stars 2 wrecked all my pens yesterday and I had to ask for new ones. Usain has only got himself to blame for the fact that he didn’t get a sticker today.”

Outside the classroom, Bolt pants and wipes the sweat from his cheeks as he speaks into the microphone held by the BBC’s athletics correspondent.

“I’d prepared for this race the same as any other. I’d started the day at 7am with a bowl of pasta, a steak and an energy shake. I have to say it’s disappointing but all credit to the girls’ team for bringing their A game.”

According to spectators, when Anya had shouted go, Bolt had sprinted to the board, arriving a full 4 seconds before his rival, Elsa (real name Jae-eun) only to find that he didn’t know the past participle of drink and therefore could not complete the event.

“When you lose out like that,” Bolt says, shaking his head, “it tests you but you’ve got to have that winning mentality. Pick yourself up and go again.”

In the second heat, Bolt had paused for Aragorn (Min-seok) to whisper the past participle of know into his ear before sprinting to the board, only to find himself disqualified by judges for being too rough with the marker pen and blunting the nib.

“He may be legendary sprinter,” says Anya, “but we’ve got to make these pens last. Stationary doesn’t grow on trees, you know.”

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