Our reporter arrived on the scene to find that, as of 9:15am, no-one has actually mentioned alcohol.

“There are any number of reasons his breath might smell like that,” said Phoebe Binningsley, 24, who wasn’t supposed to be teaching until eleven but got called in when a class was moved. “Some of the medicines available here are strong and can have strange effects.”

“When I said ‘drinking’, I was referring to any kind of liquid,” Ownkwe Adebayo explained, his hand on the door ready to leave. “I’m concerned about my colleagues staying hydrated. Why shouldn’t I be?”

The teacher in question was observed to be standing out in the corridor, shaking slightly. “It’s indigestion. The food here doesn’t always agree with me.” The teacher could be observed to lean forward and steady himself against the wall as he swallowed, his eyes closed in concentration.

When asked what was being insinuated, our reporter assured the teacher that nothing was being implied and proceeded to mind his own business.

DOS Karen Fletcher was profusive in her support of the teacher. “These national stereotypes are so harmful. He suffers from indigestion and that’s why I keep some aspirin and Gaviscon in my desk drawer in readiness. If someone was to say that he’d been drinking, maybe we would look into it.” Karen took a moment to glance around the staff room, her glance avoided by everyone. “But since no-one is saying that, there’s no reason to jump to conclusions. Anyway, wasn’t it St. Patrick’s day a couple of months ago?”

At time of going to press, the teacher was observed to be sitting on a chair outside his classroom, taking deep breaths as sweat dripped from his head to the floor.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *