The violation. The desecration. The outrage.

As our reporter arrived on the scene, it was clear that a profane rubicon had been crossed in the world of EFL teaching.

Sitting on the steps outside the school, a man in corduroy trousers took his face from the oxygen mask which was being held by a paramedic.

“How could anybody… I just don’t understand!” he sobbed, tears dripping onto his loafers.

It had started just like any other day.

“We had a meeting at one,” stuttered Safiya Hadrami. “It was the usual stuff, you know? People asking Karen to buy more board markers and saying that the water in the sink is still coming out yellow. It all seems so unimportant now.”

One can’t help but feel sympathy for Safiya, seeing her thousand-yard stare.

The teachers had ended the meeting at one-thirty and begun to prepare for their lessons.

“I saw Nadine going over to the bookshelf. She…” Safiya holds her head in her hands for a moment, shaking. “She put her finger on it.”

“I told her! I said that the coursebooks were on the shelf above.”

“She just turned to me with this blank look on her face. It was like she was in a trance. She said she already had the coursebook.”

“I said that the activity books were on the bottom shelf, but she just laughed at me!”

“That’s when she… opened it.” Safiya gave a gag of mortification as she retold the blasphemy.

“Everyone just went silent. Raquel, Bob with the BO, everyone. We couldn’t believe what we were seeing. Then she says ‘Oh, there’s an idea for a warmer!’ and sits down to make notes.”

“But it didn’t stop there. She started talking about pronunciation guides, extension activities for advanced students. It was… horrible.”

Safiya took a cup of water which was offered to her and drained it, her hand shaking.

“I’ve never done anything to hurt anyone,” she told our reporter. “In some ways I’ve led a sheltered life. I guess I just didn’t know there was this much ugliness in the world.”

If you think you know someone who may be tempted to open the teacher’s book, please seek help. Contact us any time at admin@continuouslytense.com

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