“I just know he is,” said Phoebe Billingsley, 24, as she paused to write in the attendance list. “When they get that look on their face and they go all quiet, that’s how you know.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” Helena Lopez, who has subbed the class, was quoted as saying. “Just one long, hard look at that kid is enough to tell me he’s going to erupt at some point.”

Helena proceeded to take out her phone and begin filming through the window as Phoebe tentatively guided the children through a rendition of ‘Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’ with a look of terror on her face.”

In reception, the kid’s father was more than happy to provide comment for our report. “He had quite a lot of shrimp at the seafood buffet earlier. Then we stopped at Grandpa’s house on the way here and the kid wanted ice-cream. I was a little worried about having to clean up vomit, because last time he threw up into his lego box and I had to dump all the bricks into the bath and bleach them. That’s when I remembered we had English class after Grandpa’s house, so I told him to go ahead. He had two bowls.”

At the time of going to press, the kid is sitting on a chair looking distinctly pale. Ladbrokes are no longer taking bets as the whether the kid will throw up or not.

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