Our correspondent caught up with Palatal Plosive Patel, who was appointed EFL Minister in a recent cabinet re-shuffle, to discuss the policy.
PPP: Of course, the basic premise of the points system is sound. Students get ten points for being able to pronounce “th”, ten for bringing a notebook and another ten for actually having some opinions to share during discussions.
Tense Terry: I understand students can also lose points?
PPP: That’s right. Points will be deducted for asking questions as the class ends, eating garlic for lunch and propositioning underage students.
TT: Do you think criticisms of the plan are fair?
PPP: When we tried it out, we found that we still ended up admitting some students who… tend not to eat pork.
PPP: …and certain other students who look like they might have good natural rhythm.
TT: Is that a problem?
PPP: Not as such but we hope that our new system will prompt schools to re-explore the potential of UK-based students.
TT: Of English?
TT: As a Foreign Language?
PPP: Yes, it’s an idea from leftfield but I am eagerly waiting to see the results of our pilot scheme.
TT: Who will that apply to?
PPP: And if that doesn’t work, we will see whether robotics can be of any use in filling the need for students.
TT: That seems far-fetched.
PPP: It might to you but when you do a DELTA you’ll learn all about Automaticity in Language Acquisition.
TT: Minister, thank you.