He first shot to fame in 2007 when he broke the world record for “Most lexical items taught to Kindy class in an hour.” Later, he returned to the limelight pioneering the soundproof suit as a way of reducing Teacher Talk Time. After disaster struck two years ago when a stunt went terribly wrong, Evowel Kneivowel now plans to re-start his career as a TEFL stuntman by publicly attempting the world’s first double loop input.

Our roving reporter, Tense Terry, met up with him to find out about it.

TT: Before we discuss your thrilling new project, I wonder if you would mind telling us what happened two years ago. What went so wrong that you had to withdraw from the public eye?

EK: When I came up with the plan, I knew it was going to be difficult… dangerous. I knew there was a chance that it wouldn’t go right-

TT: Just for the benefit of our readers, what were you trying to do?

EK: The plan was to get a Saudi student to write something down.

Evowel gazes off into the distance, his pupils contracting as he pictures the scene.

EK: We thought we’d been careful. I was wearing a helmet and a fire-proof smock, standing a good distance back from the student. It was all going to plan. He had the pen in his hand. He lowered it the page and then…

TT: I understand if you feel you can’t talk about it…

EK: His arm exploded. Blood everywhere. I should have listened to the DOS during my induction. Saudis just don’t write anything down. But I thought I knew better.

TT: But now you’re back!

Evowel’s attention snaps back to the present and his familiar positivity returns.

EK: Right! Eventually my therapist said that the only way to prove to myself that I’d made a full recovery was to get back in the saddle and do what I do best.

TT: So what exactly is a double loop input?

EK: Well, I’m sure your readers will be familiar with an input loop. This is a new twist on it. The volunteers will be taking part in a running dictation. As they piece together the sentences together, they’ll discover that the text they’ve formed gives instructions on how to set up a running dictation. Then – and here’s the tricky part – if they read the first letter of each sentence from the text, it will spell out, “The process and content of this training exercise are aligned.”

TT: That sounds contrived.

EK: It is. And dangerous.

TT: How is it dangerous?

EK: Decompression. If the trainees are not allowed sufficient decompression time, there’s a danger they will get the bends or just… you know… not get it.

TT: Wow. And how can people witness this feat?

EK: You can see it live this Saturday at the speedway stadium, or on pay-per-view if you have cable TV. Remember to come early; at seven o’clock Jim Scrivener will attempt to escape from chains of correction and restrictive clauses as a classroom slowly fills with errors!

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